Listening to: The wind howling outside my window [It's not a song title]


Have you ever doubted something which everyone believed was right and wanted proof that that something actually existed? I did, and I got my proof that God really exists.


Well, whenever people ask about my religion, I would flatly claim myself to be a christian, but deep down, my faith was still shaky. After all, I've never seen God before, how would I know whether the whole Christianity thing is bullshit or not. As the saying goes, 'Seeing is Believing'.


I recall the year when my parents got divorced, and I was just a dumb Primary 4 kid who was oblivious to the invisible help was always there. I blamed Him for screwing up my life, and taking away my dad from me. Looking back now, I finally realised what He had done all this time I resented Him.


In the same year, the church set up a day-care centre. I was staying with my auntie then, where her house was all the way in Yew Tee, while my idiotic primary school had to be God-knows how many kilometers away. Thankfully, my homework was taken care of there. My mom was too tied up with the divorce case and my sis was out everyday, hence I was pretty much alone. My dad still came to see how I was coping in the day-care centre, but I shunned him instead, too ashamed and disgusted at what he did. I guess the teachers then were God-sent. They prayed for me, and did many stuff which actually encouraged me to move on.


I didn't appreciate what God provided. He provided me with a father who cared about me though I always turned my back to him. He provided me with caring teachers who I never thanked for their efforts. He provided me a place to stay which I constantly complained was too far from my school. He blessed me with above average results for PSLE, but the one I thanked first wasn't Him, but myself for putting in the effort.


Recently, I have been praying for a job at this certain company which offers a pay of $6.70 per hour. I mean of course a part of it will go into my CPF, so I'm left with $5.30 per hour. Nevertheless, it pretty high, considering some crappy job agency said for a student who hasn't achieved an O Level certificate yet can only get a job which offers $5 at maximum. I got a call just now, from the company I've been praying to get in. The lady said I could start work on 11 December, and the pay is $6.70 per hour!!! The best thing is the branch I am posted to is considerably near to my home!


The second thing I said after I put down the receiver was "Thank God". Well, I mean if you considered "Yeah!" a word, then the second thing I said was "Thank God".


Why am I typing this sane stuff in my blog? Well I guess it's because I didn't feel that I've thanked God enough all these years for all that he has given me, and that I shouldn't be asking for more. Maybe my conscience is acting up? Haha, I think I'm hearing some people out there saying "Finny got conscience meh? I thought her heart is as black as 'chao ta' [burnt] bread and her brain is more sadistic and filled with more morbid thoughts than anyone else." FIE ON THEE, LESSER MORTALS!!!


In any case, I'm just giving credit to God for all these times he's been helping me. Chomp chomp. [It's a new phrase which I've been addicted to starting from last month... XD]