Listening to: Heaven - Big Bang


I didn't have the mood to sit for Bio Paper 1 today. Neither did I have the mood to study for Math Paper 2 tomorrow.

What went through my mind 90% of the time was a recurring nightmare. I think the people in the train must have thought I just broke with someone or something. :;/

I shouldn't have made fun of that siren. The realization that it was her made me feel even worse. The weather today was just like 3 years back. Unsuspecting, and unpredictable. Who knew...? Despite all the assurances, the bad feeling lingered until the verdict was passed.

I didn't understand what the heck Mr Ow was saying. I almost wanted him to cut to the chase. What complications? Did she make it or not? But I think I got the message, because my vision started to blur without me knowing the reason why. But it wasn't that bad. I followed him to Melissa's class in the science lab, and she asked me what happened. Floodgates opened. It hurt when I repeated what he had said earlier.

I didn't want to cry. I tried so hard to hold all of it in. I thought I would never cry if she left. But who knew? I did. And it wasn't a happy experience. Her birthday was just so near. Whatever happened to her sushi buffet birthday celebration? Why couldn't she wait a little while longer?

I locked myself up that night, and completed all the jump quests in her maple account. Then I came to school with eyes still feeling sore. The first person I saw was Kook who was staring at the third floor, and she reminded me how she always used to ask for me at that spot every morning. Then she broke down when I wanted to do the same, but I held it in in the end. 1 person crying is bad enough. Why make things worse?

The whole week was horrible. But I kinda got over it after the wake. And now, three years have passed. I realized I still have so many unsaid things to say to her, but it's too late I guess?

Hmm. So emo. Can't stand it. :/